Jacob recently switched to a different 4th grade teacher.  Last night at dinner he was telling us about the first day in his new classroom. When we asked if he missed his good friend, Kaylee he said, “no, we broke up anyway so it’s all good.”

The conversation that followed was an entertaining look at the mind of a 4th grade boy and his view on relationships.

Me: “Broke up? I didn’t realize you were an item?”

Jacob: “Item?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I mean I didn’t realize she was your girlfriend.”
Jacob: “Yeah, she was but apparently she’s not a fan of revenge or the rough stuff so we had to break up.”
Me: *nearly choking on my croutons* *Doug looks up curiously from his newspaper* “Um, what do you mean by the rough stuff?”
Jacob: “Oh you know like when we play Star Wars on the playground. I got her with my light saber (pretend of course) and she didn’t think I should because she was my giiirrrrllllfriend.” *dramatic air quotes*
Me: *normal chewing resumes. Blood returns to my face* “Ohhh, okay. So, hey, what does it mean to be someone’s boyfriend in the 4th grade? What goes on there? What’s that all about?”
Jacob: “Well, you know, we have the levels. Just like everyone.”
Me: “Interesting. What are the levels?”
Jacob: “First there’s just looking at each other and smiling and then there’s holding hands on the playground and then there’s smooching—–
Me: “Smooching? Really? In 4th grade? I’m not sure I’m a fan of you smooching random playground girls.”
Jacob: *rolls eyes* *blushes* “I’m not smooching. Anyway *more eye rolling* after smooching comes the teenage stuff and then *talks very fast* you get married, have kids and you die next to each other with matching headstones. That’s the final level where you and Dadoo are.”
Me: *laughter* “Dadoo and I are certainly not at the die-with-matching-headstone level yet but I get your point.”
Me: “So are you upset Kaylee isn’t your girlfriend anymore?”
Jacob: “Kind’ve but I didn’t even know she was my girlfriend till she told me. Maybe she still is, actually.”

End Scene!

I can see another conversation is in order, particularly in regard to what “teenage stuff” is. I’m still pretty curious about that one.